This Sunday, my autobiography is coming out, and I still wonder where I got the strength to write CP gal after years of people asking for it for many years — saying no out of fear. Remember back to years ago, I recalled my birth-mother telling me to write it, Yet I didn’t because it won’t be the whole real truth like it is. Back then, I didn’t do anything remarkable in my life like now.
In it, I wrote the real hardships that I have endured growing up with cerebral palsy. I found my own voice in the hopes of becoming the voice for those who, through disability, cannot speak for themselves. Writing Cerebral Palsy Gal was very therapeutic, expressing myself to being very truthful. I realized that telling my inner emotions had helped me heal some of the pain I had hidden away since childhood, and it was tough to write, reliving my worst memories and such. I’m proud that I wrote all down even when I was no angel telling my hugest mistakes and f ***’s up. I have written CP Gal in hopes of helping others with Cerebral Palsy. Some will love CP Gal, calling me a hero or an inspirational. There will be some who would be calling me every name in the book.
Everyone pictures people with CP or with another disabled adult as being innocent and vulnerable. They treat us, disabled adults like children. I think my story could help open people’s eyes. Having a disability does not make someone less of an adult, innocent, or unaware. I have sexual wants and desires of a woman desiring a companion. It’s hard, hurtful, and has become a thick cloud of lust, of wanting sex but not having it.
My biological mother turned from a loving mother to someone who hated me while I grew up. This feeling locked me up through my teen years. She manipulated my thinking and behavior, such as making me unfriend Jessica, my beloved life-long best friend, and family that she had brainwashed me to hate and such. I’ve survived three murder attempts by her hand. She made me feel like an animal/monster that needed to be locked up, and she tried to get me locked me up in a mental asylum or a group home for disabled people to forget about me — acting like I was never her daughter. Sadly, to say, I don’t believe our paths will cross again. I have my own life, and she has her own life that’s isn’t web together. There is so much worse than my mom had done to me after my dad passed on that I won’t write here. I recall that night when she admitted: “I have hated you since the day I found out that you have CP.” Since that night, I lost something dear to my heart. My undying-daughterly love for her, knowing that she’ll never come to love me as me.
My biological father had this golden heart, a warning, a substantial great smile, and such a pleasant personality. I hold no antagonism against my father. Now that I’m older, I see that my dad was under her thumb and gas-lit when it comes right down to it by my mom. He tried hard to please my mom with shopping money, gifts, yard work, doing what she said or wanted, even if he had to turn away from his mom, brother, and his three sisters for good. At times I never understood, but now as I type, he was like myself, brainwashed by Mom. Everyone tells me that I am just like him, carrying on his happy-go-lucky attitude. God, I wish he was here today, along with his mother, my grandma, that I was only sixteen when I last saw my grandma. Grandma, I love you, and I regret the last time we saw each other!
Right now, I feel like there needs to be a book on adult matters of a full flesh woman that has Cerebral Palsy — expressing my deep inner emotions within myself — having a unique person outlook on life. In hopes for other young people that has Cerebral Palsy not to make the same mistake as I did. Person Gain is not who I am or why CP Gal is coming out for. in turn, becoming the voice of those who, through disability, cannot speak for themselves.
The forward for CP Gal was written by my best friend, Tylia L Flores, from Stomping on Cerebral Palsy with Tylia and a Writer at The Mighty. I’m lucky that I have great friendships within the cerebral palsy advocacy Facebook community. Heaven Ramsey from Stairway To The Stars Heaven’s Journey With CP and the co-founder of the #CPDreamTeam t-shirts for National and World CP Day each year along with Richelle Heath. Charisse Hogan is an excellent friend from Charisse Living with Cerebral Palsy.
I am looking to the future!
I guess I trying to say Holy Moly I wrote it at last. I have thank god for giving me the will power to write CP Gal.