Sex and Cerebral Palsy

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As the Beatles once said, “All you need is love. All you need is love, love, love.” Love is so hard to find even if you don’t have any disabilities. It is nearly impossible to find love for young adults or adults with disabilities. If you manage to, you are lucky.

Let’s chat about sex

Let us talk about SEX! Okay, may I ask you this: Do you enjoy sex? Now, let me ask you: Do you think adults with disabilities enjoy sex? To be frank, YES, we sure do! I believe disabled people should have a healthy sex life. They have sexual needs, just like you do. This subject always hits hard. I do enjoy having sex, but no able-bodied man wants to touch me. The few who do are lousy guys only out to use me like a toy. The sad part is that I might never know what “great sex” is. Yet I want to ensure that young, disabled adults and, in fact, all adults with a disability can have a good sexual experience.

Sex workers and people with CP

Prostitution is the world’s oldest profession. Why do we deny the needs of our adult sons and daughters with CP while we turn a blind eye to our husband that sometimes goes out to a strip bar? Really, this is messed up thinking, to me. The last time that I looked, sex falls right under the category of health. We have all kinds of services that address other areas of health, like occupational therapy, physical therapy, and speech therapy.

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Sexual health and healthcare

Did you know that healthcare covers abortions? I find this so shocking. This is wrong on so many levels that I don’t even know where to begin. We are killing young souls that cost 350 to 2,000 dollars instead of letting disabled adults feel the joy of an orgasm? In the Netherlands, they have “sex care”, and they report the following. Studies have shown that people who have sex are usually happy and less frustrated. Every human being needs physical touch and intimacy, whether they are disabled or not. What if healthcare were to cover sex care and not abortion? Why not? Adults with a disability such as autism, cerebral palsy, or Down syndrome, no matter what their mindset is, need sex, just like everyone else. I am not talking about rape here.

My mindset

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To me, sex is just something I see in the movies, on T.V., and in books. It is much the same as Santa Clause. Why not let sex workers work with adults with disabilities, make a connection before having sex, like any therapy?

Go and see the movie The Sessions. It is based on the article On Seeing a Sex Surrogate by Mark O’Brien, a poet paralyzed from the neck down due to polio, who hired a sex surrogate to lose his virginity. This is something I relate to strongly because I did, in fact, hire a sex surrogate to lose my virginity to because I wanted my very first time to be safe. However, I read that a national study reported that 70% of people with disabilities that were surveyed reported that they had been sexually abused. That made me call it off.

I ended up losing it over a fast, one-hour session at Motel 6 to someone I never knew. I view this as one of my many mistakes.

Soulmates but can’t act on it

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At least Romero and Juliette ran off to make love. This story is like Romero and Juliette, but without the death. I once knew a fantastic couple that loved each other. Their names were Jake and Julie. Jake and Julie each had a disability. Each lived at home, still with their parents. They had been together for over ten years and wanted to get married. Jake’s dad was a bible beater that did not want them to get married for some unknown reason. I should mention, both Jake and Julie were over the age of 40. It makes me sad to see my friends playing kindergarten games and such at nights, knowing that we don’t let them explorer the wonders of making love. If sex care was something we practiced here, I bet they would help Jake and Julie be sexual with each other. WHERE IN THE LAW OR THE BIBLE DOES IT SAY THAT PEOPLE WITH DISABILITIES CANNOT HAVE SEX?

I want to say THANK YOU SO DEARLY to the APA Ethical Principles of Psychologists and Code of Conduct–their ethics code– that keep me from making love with the man I love and was saving myself for years. That rule still hurts me. It’s like someone kicked me in the heart. I was in love with Elwin and Elwin loved me back. Were we Soulmates? It sure did feel like it. We wanted to spend the night in a 5-star hotel together, making beautiful love. Yet with a heavy heart, I must admit that Elwin and I never made it to our bed of roses. I still live with this pain, and I shall until my ending day. I know if I did make love to the man that I dearly love, then my outlook on sex would be different.

Written by: Amanda Fino

CP Gal is 99 cents for CP Month!~



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(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) Amanda was born with cerebral palsy (͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ꧂                                 

How do you move forward when the past is holding you back? When the abuse from the past affects life choices in the present? Cerebral Palsy Gal is the riveting story of one woman’s quest to come to terms with her health, heartbreak, and family.
Amanda was born with cerebral palsy. Throughout her life, she struggled against seemingly overwhelming odds to follow her dream – to be a best-selling writer. As a child, she endured appalling physical, mental, and emotional abuse from members of her own family, especially her mother, who could not accept Amanda’s condition. When her father was only fifty-nine, he died of cancer. She found comfort and solace with her grandmother – her “gragwa” as she called her – the only person in her childhood who cared for her. A chance meeting with a former U.S. intelligence officer and his family at a convention in Las Vegas gave Amanda the chance to be part of a loving family she so dearly craved.
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The Friday before CP Gal

This Sunday, my autobiography is coming out, and I still wonder where I got the strength to write CP gal after years of people asking for it for many years — saying no out of fear. Remember back to years ago, I recalled my birth-mother telling me to write it, Yet I didn’t because it won’t be the whole real truth like it is. Back then, I didn’t do anything remarkable in my life like now.
In it, I wrote the real hardships that I have endured growing up with cerebral palsy. I found my own voice in the hopes of becoming the voice for those who, through disability, cannot speak for themselves. Writing Cerebral Palsy Gal was very therapeutic, expressing myself to being very truthful. I realized that telling my inner emotions had helped me heal some of the pain I had hidden away since childhood, and it was tough to write, reliving my worst memories and such. I’m proud that I wrote all down even when I was no angel telling my hugest mistakes and f ***’s up. I have written CP Gal in hopes of helping others with Cerebral Palsy. Some will love CP Gal, calling me a hero or an inspirational. There will be some who would be calling me every name in the book.

Everyone pictures people with CP or with another disabled adult as being innocent and vulnerable. They treat us, disabled adults like children. I think my story could help open people’s eyes. Having a disability does not make someone less of an adult, innocent, or unaware. I have sexual wants and desires of a woman desiring a companion. It’s hard, hurtful, and has become a thick cloud of lust, of wanting sex but not having it.
My biological mother turned from a loving mother to someone who hated me while I grew up. This feeling locked me up through my teen years. She manipulated my thinking and behavior, such as making me unfriend Jessica, my beloved life-long best friend, and family that she had brainwashed me to hate and such. I’ve survived three murder attempts by her hand. She made me feel like an animal/monster that needed to be locked up, and she tried to get me locked me up in a mental asylum or a group home for disabled people to forget about me — acting like I was never her daughter. Sadly, to say, I don’t believe our paths will cross again. I have my own life, and she has her own life that’s isn’t web together. There is so much worse than my mom had done to me after my dad passed on that I won’t write here. I recall that night when she admitted: “I have hated you since the day I found out that you have CP.” Since that night, I lost something dear to my heart. My undying-daughterly love for her, knowing that she’ll never come to love me as me.

My biological father had this golden heart, a warning, a substantial great smile, and such a pleasant personality. I hold no antagonism against my father. Now that I’m older, I see that my dad was under her thumb and gas-lit when it comes right down to it by my mom. He tried hard to please my mom with shopping money, gifts, yard work, doing what she said or wanted, even if he had to turn away from his mom, brother, and his three sisters for good. At times I never understood, but now as I type, he was like myself, brainwashed by Mom. Everyone tells me that I am just like him, carrying on his happy-go-lucky attitude. God, I wish he was here today, along with his mother, my grandma, that I was only sixteen when I last saw my grandma. Grandma, I love you, and I regret the last time we saw each other!
Right now, I feel like there needs to be a book on adult matters of a full flesh woman that has Cerebral Palsy — expressing my deep inner emotions within myself — having a unique person outlook on life. In hopes for other young people that has Cerebral Palsy not to make the same mistake as I did. Person Gain is not who I am or why CP Gal is coming out for. in turn, becoming the voice of those who, through disability, cannot speak for themselves.
The forward for CP Gal was written by my best friend, Tylia L Flores, from Stomping on Cerebral Palsy with Tylia and a Writer at The Mighty. I’m lucky that I have great friendships within the cerebral palsy advocacy Facebook community. Heaven Ramsey from Stairway To The Stars Heaven’s Journey With CP and the co-founder of the #CPDreamTeam t-shirts for National and World CP Day each year along with Richelle Heath. Charisse Hogan is an excellent friend from Charisse Living with Cerebral Palsy.
I am looking to the future!

I guess I trying to say Holy Moly I wrote it at last. I have thank god for giving me the will power to write CP Gal.