Sex and Cerebral Palsy

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As the Beatles once said, “All you need is love. All you need is love, love, love.” Love is so hard to find even if you don’t have any disabilities. It is nearly impossible to find love for young adults or adults with disabilities. If you manage to, you are lucky.

Let’s chat about sex

Let us talk about SEX! Okay, may I ask you this: Do you enjoy sex? Now, let me ask you: Do you think adults with disabilities enjoy sex? To be frank, YES, we sure do! I believe disabled people should have a healthy sex life. They have sexual needs, just like you do. This subject always hits hard. I do enjoy having sex, but no able-bodied man wants to touch me. The few who do are lousy guys only out to use me like a toy. The sad part is that I might never know what “great sex” is. Yet I want to ensure that young, disabled adults and, in fact, all adults with a disability can have a good sexual experience.

Sex workers and people with CP

Prostitution is the world’s oldest profession. Why do we deny the needs of our adult sons and daughters with CP while we turn a blind eye to our husband that sometimes goes out to a strip bar? Really, this is messed up thinking, to me. The last time that I looked, sex falls right under the category of health. We have all kinds of services that address other areas of health, like occupational therapy, physical therapy, and speech therapy.

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Sexual health and healthcare

Did you know that healthcare covers abortions? I find this so shocking. This is wrong on so many levels that I don’t even know where to begin. We are killing young souls that cost 350 to 2,000 dollars instead of letting disabled adults feel the joy of an orgasm? In the Netherlands, they have “sex care”, and they report the following. Studies have shown that people who have sex are usually happy and less frustrated. Every human being needs physical touch and intimacy, whether they are disabled or not. What if healthcare were to cover sex care and not abortion? Why not? Adults with a disability such as autism, cerebral palsy, or Down syndrome, no matter what their mindset is, need sex, just like everyone else. I am not talking about rape here.

My mindset

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To me, sex is just something I see in the movies, on T.V., and in books. It is much the same as Santa Clause. Why not let sex workers work with adults with disabilities, make a connection before having sex, like any therapy?

Go and see the movie The Sessions. It is based on the article On Seeing a Sex Surrogate by Mark O’Brien, a poet paralyzed from the neck down due to polio, who hired a sex surrogate to lose his virginity. This is something I relate to strongly because I did, in fact, hire a sex surrogate to lose my virginity to because I wanted my very first time to be safe. However, I read that a national study reported that 70% of people with disabilities that were surveyed reported that they had been sexually abused. That made me call it off.

I ended up losing it over a fast, one-hour session at Motel 6 to someone I never knew. I view this as one of my many mistakes.

Soulmates but can’t act on it

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At least Romero and Juliette ran off to make love. This story is like Romero and Juliette, but without the death. I once knew a fantastic couple that loved each other. Their names were Jake and Julie. Jake and Julie each had a disability. Each lived at home, still with their parents. They had been together for over ten years and wanted to get married. Jake’s dad was a bible beater that did not want them to get married for some unknown reason. I should mention, both Jake and Julie were over the age of 40. It makes me sad to see my friends playing kindergarten games and such at nights, knowing that we don’t let them explorer the wonders of making love. If sex care was something we practiced here, I bet they would help Jake and Julie be sexual with each other. WHERE IN THE LAW OR THE BIBLE DOES IT SAY THAT PEOPLE WITH DISABILITIES CANNOT HAVE SEX?

I want to say THANK YOU SO DEARLY to the APA Ethical Principles of Psychologists and Code of Conduct–their ethics code– that keep me from making love with the man I love and was saving myself for years. That rule still hurts me. It’s like someone kicked me in the heart. I was in love with Elwin and Elwin loved me back. Were we Soulmates? It sure did feel like it. We wanted to spend the night in a 5-star hotel together, making beautiful love. Yet with a heavy heart, I must admit that Elwin and I never made it to our bed of roses. I still live with this pain, and I shall until my ending day. I know if I did make love to the man that I dearly love, then my outlook on sex would be different.

Written by: Amanda Fino

Being born with a disability ISN’T a crime!

I’m bewildered, loss for words! Yes, I’m very, highly mad, and want to cry my heart out at the same time! Today I learned that a nonverbal 18-year-old man with severe autism is sitting in jail. Once again, a nonverbal man with severe autism is sitting in jail. He is just a helpless baby. 

That’s when my heart went out to him. I just say there with tears in my eyes. All I can think is that that was nearly my fate in April of 2010. Yes, my parents put me into my dad’s truck and my father drove me to the police department because they refused to believe that Scarlett, who was a grandmother to ten grandchildren, had taped me. Okay, getting back to the topic. 

Knowing that a man with autism is now in jail is so damn disturbing to me. He could be raped on his first night in jail. Beaten up.

One must remember we do send all the child a users and killers to jail too. 

I’m sorry to say that this young man’s life is now defective forever and he will never be the same. That’s what broke my heart. 

To me, I had to blame both the mother and the state. First, the mother is to blame for not loving him, if she ever did. Even though she told the news that she doesnt want him in jail either. It wasn’t her choice. If that were true, he would not be in prison I. The first place. To me, I am not 100% sure if I even believe her, knowing that my own mother would lie I. Front of the news camera if I went to jail. 

The mother claims that she can’t have him at home because the state threatened to remove her other kids. It pisses me off at the state more than anything else. They give ultimatums, but they can’t help the people that need them the most. Not to mention, they pay people poorly. You cannot keep the people required to open up the residencies that’s are necessary. It’s like $13 an hour to work at the type of facility this man needs. The power of the state is the real issue. 

A new law in New York City came into light in the new year. It allowed a serial robber to be released with no bail. He immediately robbed another bank. WTH, man? I may be wrong here, but shouldn’t it be this serial robber behind bars and not this autistic man? Lady Justice, where are you?

In 2018 in the state of Virginia, about 2,000 people are living life in an institutions. Some had been there since birth when their parents left them at the hospital without a chance to be adopted. It may be very upsetting to hear, but sadly it’s the truth. Close your eyes, imagine growing up with the adults wearing gloves and hospital scrubs, and not being in a sweet, homey, loving environment. Would you want this to be the place where you had to grow up? While hospital scrubs are required by law to prevent the spread of disease among staff and patients, it leads to distancing the team from the residents, yet the kids are not sick and dying. That sounds like a hellish nightmare of a childhood to me. 

The questions that pops up in my odd mind: Why are parents that want kids going to other countries to adopt kids with a disability and not choosing a baby with a disability in their own backyard?

I have no answer just yet to fix all of this. I’m praying to God to get that child out of jail. I’m praying for all the disabled children to have a loving home. I’m praying for a cure for all people with disabilities. I’m praying that we stop giving free movie tickets and suck to men with a history of violent acts against women, men that are allowed to walk out of jail, free. Society wants to lock up children and adults with a disability such as autism, cerebral palsy, or Down syndrome in institutions. They want these individuals to live like they are insane criminals, killers, with a life sentence. Being born with a disability ISN’T a crime!