Do one ever wounder who is really on the other end of your Keyboard?
I came to wonder that right now, while I reflect on this quote that I came across as I google how I was feeling. It’s a sad day involved in the Cerebral Palsy community for me. “We fear our enemy, but the bigger and real fear is that of a fake friend who is sweetest to your face and most vile behind your back.” -Mufti Ismail Menk
Today is one those days that I am hurting, and I am guilty as well too. Yet I wonder where the proof of my mistake, am I guilty? Is this one of those big mysteries that will haunt me, keeping me up at night years from now? I spent all day with a heavy heart re-read the past text and new emailing telling how shittily I am, and I even did a power-point timeline only to end up with no clue on why this happened. Jessica (my long-time BFF) who went to college to be a social worker scratched her head with wonder and told me that I did nothing this bad to case all of this. I don’t fully understand what I said that was so evil to have two of my CP friends block me after yelling at me for how much that I have hurt this person.
Right here, this is what went down. It’s like person ONE said in a text that person TWO was something and all I text back to said: “Yeah, she does that sometimes, what can I do?” God, you must think I said something that would make the devil proud, but I swear on my life that I did not. Having Cerebral Palsy, my speech impediment is so hard to pick up a phone and vent to a friend. No one really can understand me even when I am upset or sad. That makes texting, Facebook Messenger, and Email so much easier to chat and to vent. A few weeks ago, I vented to the wrong ear and when she told that person what I TOLD HER. All because she wants me to teach me a lesson like WHY come on, I was talking to you venting off as you do to me.
Waking up at 3 am to the same person yelling at me for something that I never said to our other friend. Like alright, let’s try to see why this other friend would even hurt me after swore that she would never hurt me, and she emailed me with this. So I know I hurt you but did my best to mentor you, but I can’t do it anymore. What!? Wait a second I didn’t even ever ask this person to mentor me, because my dad is my mentor. I am very, very hurt from this, and I need time to heal, but you can’t keep this CP Gal down.